Parsing the Lard from the Larder, Pt. 1

Crashed to ESPN, awoke on the sofa at 5:15 AM. As I spiralled out of a fantastic reverie, I slowly came to the realization that the sounds which had informed the unusally fecund imagery of my dream had come from a goddamned "Ab Scissor" infomercial...

More as hallucinations warrant,

TS